does every day seem like more of the same? do you need things like "holidays", weekly tv shows, etc, to give you the illusion that it isn't? oh come on, i just visited the family, got drunk, ate too much, AND watched the perry como christmas special! now THAT doesn't happen every day.
well, yes, but it happens nearly every month. oh clearly it will be the joe jones january bash the next time around, but the general idea remains the same. then back to work, "friends" reruns with the old gang on saturday... maybe you wore your new jeans or had your hair streaked. it's like a whole new you!!
so why this giant bait and switch game anyway? it seems impossible that an intelligent species could really spend all their time worrying about their hair and what's on tv and did you hear jolly's new single "albatross" it has a really rad bass line??? surely there must be something MORE! oh yes you with the genesis box set, yes i know you're completely different, or at any rate 30 years older.
yes, but ARE they an intelligent species?
woah.
perhaps we need to reclassify them. wow. suddenly things fall into place. a sort of clever animal with a lot of manual ability, then? like a monkey that has figured out how to type (heh heh).
in which case he might sound very much like "friends", "sex and the city", etc. oh bloggo i must have sex with you, but first i need some new leaves in my hair! oh zumba yes but your blazing eyes make me require fresh sustenance. is there more of this fermented banana?
yes alas. and when they "get married" the little monkeys will require nose jobs music lessons and all the right accessories. and bloggo will have an "affair" with somebody at the "office", and zumba will console herself with a frienzied round of gathering and self-ornamentation possibly folllowed by heavy flirtations with the fellow who does the music lessons. while little pek and mango look on.
i am so sorry planet earth but you are not ready yet. your high technology and philosophical speculations had us fooled for a while, but alas it could not last. like in any statistical distribution, a few of you show gropings towards something more, but how easily conquered by "sex", banana juice, or the guy next door deciding to repaint his house that annoying shade of blue. small concentrations are luck-based and do not last. the animal returns and takes it over very rapidly (see crusades, the doctrine of predestination, manifest destiny, et al.) you do talk very impressively, that we admit.
perhaps another million years or so? in the meantime you won't mind if we confine you to your solar system, i'm sure. genuine mars rocks in all-platinum frame only $5000! just what your "boyfriend" might like for christmas.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
further moralistic observations from outer space
yes, time for more sparkling commentary on planet earth! for instance, while many of its citizens consider themselves religious, or possibly scientific atheists, there is a clear tendency towards unabashed paganism. just regard the easter bunny, santa claus, "uncle sam" et al. under the sheer commercialism of it, which may waylay you, is a greedy wish for endless celebration. if in any doubt, notice the proliferation of newer spring holidays - you can now enjoy guilt-free drunkenness every few weeks until it's warm enough for picnics again!
meanwhile the year descends towards so-called thanksgiving, in which drinking is closely followed by overeating (see christmas), likewise college football. and speaking of a pagan celebration! young men in tights and shoulder pads hurtling against one another as the lone runner strives for the goal. soon to be followed by young men in shorts tossing balls through a basket, young men in stripes hitting balls with a bat, and older men in plaid hitting very small balls with a long expensive stick.
but against the clean apollonian cult of the sporting life is set the dark dionysian mysteries of the so-called "rock" world. youngish men in black leather and eyeliner hurl themselves around stages, often proudly addled with drugs. and do not inquire what happens afterwards! if you doubt the religious overtones, note the swooning "fans", likewise those who will pay hundreds for a souvenir of their idol, preferably signed. a small altar in the corner of the home is nice, and if it gets too crowded, there's always ebay.
we have nothing against pagans on the whole, but it would be nice if they could just admit it. a christmas tree packed with goodies and an "angel" on the top doesn't quite make your priorities clear. no not even if it plays "away in a manger"and comes with matching barstools! (see also easter, if you can even remember that it once had some significance other than chocolate rabbits and candy eggs, hint hint.)
sometimes one suspects their secret wish is to return all the way, a giant ecological disaster and then straight back to full-blown paganism, leaping in the fields, altars everywhere. no more fussing around with attempts at higher civilization: it wasn't much fun, was it?
ah well, a mere 44 shopping days till christmas - the biggest retail season of the year!
meanwhile the year descends towards so-called thanksgiving, in which drinking is closely followed by overeating (see christmas), likewise college football. and speaking of a pagan celebration! young men in tights and shoulder pads hurtling against one another as the lone runner strives for the goal. soon to be followed by young men in shorts tossing balls through a basket, young men in stripes hitting balls with a bat, and older men in plaid hitting very small balls with a long expensive stick.
but against the clean apollonian cult of the sporting life is set the dark dionysian mysteries of the so-called "rock" world. youngish men in black leather and eyeliner hurl themselves around stages, often proudly addled with drugs. and do not inquire what happens afterwards! if you doubt the religious overtones, note the swooning "fans", likewise those who will pay hundreds for a souvenir of their idol, preferably signed. a small altar in the corner of the home is nice, and if it gets too crowded, there's always ebay.
we have nothing against pagans on the whole, but it would be nice if they could just admit it. a christmas tree packed with goodies and an "angel" on the top doesn't quite make your priorities clear. no not even if it plays "away in a manger"and comes with matching barstools! (see also easter, if you can even remember that it once had some significance other than chocolate rabbits and candy eggs, hint hint.)
sometimes one suspects their secret wish is to return all the way, a giant ecological disaster and then straight back to full-blown paganism, leaping in the fields, altars everywhere. no more fussing around with attempts at higher civilization: it wasn't much fun, was it?
ah well, a mere 44 shopping days till christmas - the biggest retail season of the year!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
the ever-flowing materialization of the world
how is it possible for one person to exist here? it requires endless material, large and small, and every day is a struggle to get through it all! one brings in food and is left with packaging, endless amounts of it, to be sorted and discarded and at best sent off for reprocessing. a pile here of one sort, a pile there of another, to be lugged down stairs and placed in large containers, often already overflowing and poorly sorted.
what else comes in? paper, endless paper, and while that may be reprocessed in toto (a sudden thought of ancestors who had not yet invented plastic), so much of it must be saved, and sorted, and placed in different containers hopefully to be found again when required. a momentary lapse and this process falls far behind, and then there are containers on containers of unsorted or "might need" piling up on every surface, or if lucky shoved into large closet or spare room.
their clothes are nearly as disposable, a year or two and they become unwearable, and as yet cannot be reprocessed, though even recent ancestors would remodel or make rugs of them. but of course this was before they invented plastic. (the shiny surface of the polyester shirt-blend, so lustrous when new, so soon mottled and covered with small unremovable balls of material...)
one is noticing a plastic theme here! and with it one sees one's plastic pens, discardable, one's plastic keyboard, many times replaced due to spills and such, plastic drinking cups that soon become scratched, plastic soapdishes, plastic fans that wear out, etc etc.
but why not buy "quality"? some rich person says, wandering by. my dear sir! quality, alas, COSTS MUCH MORE. the things our ancestors took for granted are now marketed only to the rich, and in an ever-increasing spiral of costliness. drinking item made of glass or ceramic? somewhat more. made of "quality" glass? a lot more. made of "quality" glass with a famous name on it (why, oh why)? you might as well give up.
luckily i was sent to dwell in nigh-on poverty, for down here you see what is real and how it costs us. i must not only purchase, but personally deal with, store and discard all material that comes through, and i see the overflowing containers out back, and smell my neighbors' cooking, and run into them on the stairs as they move their tons of material in and out. (though note that one can acquire many useful items during this process - a privilege unavailable to the rich!)
somebody is yawning and saying, but hasn't this been addressed before? are you rich, by any chance, sir? or perhaps you just live as if you were, with cheap versions of everything and "plastic" of the very best sort, and as if an endless universe in which to discard it all.
it all comes around
in the end
novelty is destruction's best friend
while this may sound puerile
and heavy and dull
and maybe even "religious"
nevertheless, it is
what else comes in? paper, endless paper, and while that may be reprocessed in toto (a sudden thought of ancestors who had not yet invented plastic), so much of it must be saved, and sorted, and placed in different containers hopefully to be found again when required. a momentary lapse and this process falls far behind, and then there are containers on containers of unsorted or "might need" piling up on every surface, or if lucky shoved into large closet or spare room.
their clothes are nearly as disposable, a year or two and they become unwearable, and as yet cannot be reprocessed, though even recent ancestors would remodel or make rugs of them. but of course this was before they invented plastic. (the shiny surface of the polyester shirt-blend, so lustrous when new, so soon mottled and covered with small unremovable balls of material...)
one is noticing a plastic theme here! and with it one sees one's plastic pens, discardable, one's plastic keyboard, many times replaced due to spills and such, plastic drinking cups that soon become scratched, plastic soapdishes, plastic fans that wear out, etc etc.
but why not buy "quality"? some rich person says, wandering by. my dear sir! quality, alas, COSTS MUCH MORE. the things our ancestors took for granted are now marketed only to the rich, and in an ever-increasing spiral of costliness. drinking item made of glass or ceramic? somewhat more. made of "quality" glass? a lot more. made of "quality" glass with a famous name on it (why, oh why)? you might as well give up.
luckily i was sent to dwell in nigh-on poverty, for down here you see what is real and how it costs us. i must not only purchase, but personally deal with, store and discard all material that comes through, and i see the overflowing containers out back, and smell my neighbors' cooking, and run into them on the stairs as they move their tons of material in and out. (though note that one can acquire many useful items during this process - a privilege unavailable to the rich!)
somebody is yawning and saying, but hasn't this been addressed before? are you rich, by any chance, sir? or perhaps you just live as if you were, with cheap versions of everything and "plastic" of the very best sort, and as if an endless universe in which to discard it all.
it all comes around
in the end
novelty is destruction's best friend
while this may sound puerile
and heavy and dull
and maybe even "religious"
nevertheless, it is
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
when you find yourself a-walking in the woods
don't forget to leave behind your lugagge
those suitcases will hold you back
getting caught in trees!
and stumbling over every fallen log
when you're in the bog!
keep your feet dry
don't hesitate to bring along
another pair of shoes
a handkerchief is always handy
for sending signals out
and you might want
a book or two
to while the empty hours away
till someone digs you out
and as you wander through the fields
don't forget your compass
grass is all
so much alike
and there's such a way to go!
and when you make it through the mountains
don't forget to leave behind your lugagge
those suitcases will hold you back
getting caught in trees!
and stumbling over every fallen log
when you're in the bog!
keep your feet dry
don't hesitate to bring along
another pair of shoes
a handkerchief is always handy
for sending signals out
and you might want
a book or two
to while the empty hours away
till someone digs you out
and as you wander through the fields
don't forget your compass
grass is all
so much alike
and there's such a way to go!
and when you make it through the mountains
glad you brought your blanket!
crawling through the snow...
down the cliffside, ropes and pitons!
down the cliffside, ropes and pitons!
and finally, below
walking to the shore
waiting waiting
till the ship comes in
and all your things are gone by then
left them all behind
the socks the shoes the syllogisms
the hankie and the hankering
the money and the misery
you won't need them now
waiting waiting
till the ship comes in
and all your things are gone by then
left them all behind
the socks the shoes the syllogisms
the hankie and the hankering
the money and the misery
you won't need them now
Sunday, October 2, 2011
is it time for a Johnson's Toast break?
it's always time for a Johnson's Toast break!
morning morning noon and night
Johnson's Toast will make it all right
are ye havin a bad day?
ay, tis a long weary road and i cannot go on
why not try some Johnson's Toast?
heartbreak failure beggary
all the ills of mankind
just try a little - Johnson's Toast!
sadness madness misery
desperation all around
suicidal inclinations
waiting for that - morning train
well hang on, brother, just hang on!
here's the Johnson's, you can make it!
here's a loaf, go on, take it!
when all your friends have left you in the lurch
don't waste your time on some old musty church
there nothing for you there!
when even god don't seem to care
bring in the Johnson's, he'll be fine
all his cares will fall away
ooh it's crunchy-brown Johnson's
toasty-good
the best you ever had!!
and life
begins again
with Johnson's
it's always time for a Johnson's Toast break!
morning morning noon and night
Johnson's Toast will make it all right
are ye havin a bad day?
ay, tis a long weary road and i cannot go on
why not try some Johnson's Toast?
heartbreak failure beggary
all the ills of mankind
just try a little - Johnson's Toast!
sadness madness misery
desperation all around
suicidal inclinations
waiting for that - morning train
well hang on, brother, just hang on!
here's the Johnson's, you can make it!
here's a loaf, go on, take it!
when all your friends have left you in the lurch
don't waste your time on some old musty church
there nothing for you there!
when even god don't seem to care
bring in the Johnson's, he'll be fine
all his cares will fall away
ooh it's crunchy-brown Johnson's
toasty-good
the best you ever had!!
and life
begins again
with Johnson's
Friday, September 30, 2011
as the subtle strains of the Johnson's toast jingle faded away, a long silence fell.
toast? he thought, at last. and in the depths of his mind something stirred, reawakened to consciousness after many a year.
toast, luscious toast, drew him upward like the light. the return to life, once so impossible, so meaningless, now effortless, a motion of pure clarity.
on this beautiful earth, there is yet one thing that i cannot leave behind. ye know it! tis Johnson's toastlets.
Even Eternity Waits For Johnson's
toast? he thought, at last. and in the depths of his mind something stirred, reawakened to consciousness after many a year.
toast, luscious toast, drew him upward like the light. the return to life, once so impossible, so meaningless, now effortless, a motion of pure clarity.
on this beautiful earth, there is yet one thing that i cannot leave behind. ye know it! tis Johnson's toastlets.
Even Eternity Waits For Johnson's
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