Thursday, July 25, 2013

Johnson's - the return

all was quiet on the toast market for many a year, nothing but Dryman's, Soggeez, No'Buttr, and the like. it wasn't much of a choice. "i feel dead" complained douglas, confronted with this ghastly array. "i wish i were!' countered timothy, who was just old enough to remember the glorious pre-war days of Johnson's.

"do you remember..." he began wistfully, and douglas's eyes lit up. "oh, those golden afternoons." "it wasn't just youth, was it? it was Johnson's Toast!" "it was!" "oh, i'd look forward to it all day." "it went with everything!" "made everything better!"

to see these two old men in tears was more than i could bear. i had taken everything from them, their youth, their health, their livelihoods, left them broken and sere, worn before their time. i had done them wrong! it was too late now to return their golden locks, their springy vigor, that youthful hope and dedication...but i could at least give them toast!

oh god, turn back the clock for me! i cried. and somewhere far away, a year or two ago, the wheels began to turn again, and a glorious new Johnson's factory arose from the barren plain. soon, the trucks went out again, to north and south, east and west, from the halls of academe to the useful repair shops and small home businesses, the cafeterias and waiting rooms, the small-town parks and sports arenas. a knock on the door, that special double-rap, that gladdens the heart of man, for it is teatime (or afternoon coffee if you prefer), and here is the Johnson's! away, ye Soggeez, ye Dryman! i shall hurl you from this world, yea into into the very void, and usher in a new era of peace and prosperity.

two old men wept for joy, looking heavenward, their shaking hands holding each a slice of fresh, rich new Johnson's, guaranteed crisp, never flaky. you can eat it on a bench, no mess! take it anywhere! try all three flavors - one's sure to please!

and i, i knew i had done right. i had repented my age-old sin, my rebellion against the highest. i bowed my humble head. now i would serve for all time - serve them with Johnson's Toast!