Sunday, March 27, 2011

do people come running up to you and ask for your signature? then you might be a celebrity! on the other hand, you may just be behind on your car payments and about to be repossessed.


why are people asking for my signature when they don't even know me? why do they want pictures of me? i'm not even that good-looking. if questions like these torment you, you may BE A CELEBRITY and not even know it!


do you often make a complete fool of yourself, perhaps wearing odd clothing while shouting at people, or prancing around in front of a machine? aha. that explains it. that is all you need to become a CELEBRITY here. easy, isn't it?

why would i want to do that??

you don't sound like celebrity material.


if you like MONEY then here's an easy way to get it! become a CELEBRITY!! all that's required is an ability to make a fool of yourself in public, and away you go!

i can do that!!

but can you do it day after day? it isn't so easy.

yes! i can do it all day long!

wow, have i got a contract for you.


are you a CELEBRITY who's short on MONEY? unlikely, i know. but if so, why not pretend to like products you would never bother with otherwise?

couldn't i just design my own fashion line?

yes!! would you like a perfume contract with that?


as a CELEBRITY, i find it hard to get rid of all this superfluous MONEY. what should i do?

have you considered buying your own island? private jets are so passe.


dear mister celebrity, would you consider donating to our charity?

sorry, i am on my private island and cannot afford it. however, i offer paid appearances at a very reasonable rate. please contact my agent.