do people come running up to you and ask for your signature? then you might be a celebrity! on the other hand, you may just be behind on your car payments and about to be repossessed.

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why are people asking for my signature when they don't even know me? why do they want pictures of me? i'm not even that good-looking. if questions like these torment you, you may BE A CELEBRITY and not even know it!

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do you often make a complete fool of yourself, perhaps wearing odd clothing while shouting at people, or prancing around in front of a machine? aha. that explains it. that is all you need to become a CELEBRITY here. easy, isn't it?

why would i want to do that??

you don't sound like celebrity material.

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if you like MONEY then here's an easy way to get it! become a CELEBRITY!! all that's required is an ability to make a fool of yourself in public, and away you go!

i can do that!!

but can you do it day after day? it isn't so easy.

yes! i can do it all day long!

wow, have i got a contract for you.

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are you a CELEBRITY who's short on MONEY? unlikely, i know. but if so, why not pretend to like products you would never bother with otherwise?

couldn't i just design my own fashion line?

yes!! would you like a perfume contract with that?

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as a CELEBRITY, i find it hard to get rid of all this superfluous MONEY. what should i do?

have you considered buying your own island? private jets are so passe.

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dear mister celebrity, would you consider donating to our charity?

sorry, i am on my private island and cannot afford it. however, i offer paid appearances at a very reasonable rate. please contact my agent.