new salty sweety crunchy chips! new salty sweety butter-flavored crunchy chips! new salty sweety crunchy chips with extra blueberries! new salty sweety butter-flavored crunchy chips with extra blueberries and a prize in every package!

wow! are they all-natural?

yes!! they are all-natural, refreshing, and just the cooling drink to end your busy day.

i like it!! and what about that prize??

win big! collect a prize from every package and enter in our grand one-time drawing for an award of ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

i'm already there!!

yes, you are. and in the meantime may we purchase your soul for a very cheap price, attractively packaged?

huh what???

that's right, just sign here with one of our extra-new gold-sparkle flibbo pens, guaranteed to draw a crowd, and we'll be away!

can i keep it??

yes!! this pen is ALL YOURS! and we'll even throw in this pad of shiny-glo flibbo paper, featuring all your favorite celebrity characters.

wow!!! it even has dodney duston, the fab new singer that everyone's mad about!!

it does! and soon you'll be joining dodney and the gang in HELL! but don't let that spoil your fun.

spoil it?? i can hardly wait! me, dodney, and a lifetime supply of flibbo pens?! can't i just go now?

patience, my child. for you have many a beverage to drink and product to buy before then. now here is your check for ONE MILLION DOLLARS, and do please close the door as you go.

nowhere

there's a world somewhere that insists on being left to itself. no visitors welcome! if its out-of-the-way location, odd atmospheric disturbances and lack of favorable landing zones don't put you off, we can guarantee that you won't stay long.

before you even land, everything is shutting down, and by the time you get there it's nothing but cold, dark and dreary, nothing to be seen. the lights go out, the trees droop, moving creatures go dormant and hide in burrows, very deep and hard to find. just a bunch of dreary droopy trees and not much else. it starts raining.

most people just leave then. nothing here.

anyone who persists finds it increasingly uncomfortable. bogs appear and get stepped into. stinging plants spring up in all the pathways. wet things drop on your head, sticky and smelly and hard to remove.

anyone still here?

next come the landslides (only where no burrows are, of course) and the rolling moss that bites you. your campsite or prefab hut is built on quicksand and you return to find it sinking fast. was that an earthquake? lightning may flash as you run for your spaceship and you will feel very lucky to get out of there. tell your friends! they won't want to visit.

and all for nothing, a waste of good equipment and time and money. and no useful samples, no valuable minerals, no photo-worthy scenery or quaint native specimens, zero development potential as anything at all! unless you like mud and bad smalls and nasty stinging plants everywhere. yuck!

and off they go very relieved heading for planet resort or planet nervous breakdown recovery treatment center. and the lights go on again, the rain stops, the nettles fade away, the trees straighten up, and finally the animals wake up and come out again.

and the planet goes back to sleep.